My eyelashes are starting to fall out.
A few days ago Big Red came in the house asking me why my car was running in the driveway…three hours after I had come home from the store.
I found a big ole pimple on my back.
My normal dirty blonde roots (no I’m not naturally platinum blonde, I’m faking that crap like it’s my job) are suddenly dark brown roots. I look like an inverse skunk.
I have verbal diarrhea and none of what I say makes a hell of a lot of sense. I even made up a few words of my own here lately; when something is really wrinkled it is considered ‘wronkled’… apparently.
I burned an entire pot of sacred queso. Queso!!!
Last night I had a dream that an oogie old man had me trapped in his basement and I could hear the police come to the door and ask if I had been seen and nobody could hear me screaming. I am still upset about nobody hearing me scream!! Woke up a 3am with a pounding heart and could not go back to sleep.
My boobs are obscenely large and so painful I told Big Red not to even look at them.
And I can’t button my britches.
….Because I’m pregnant :0)
Every month for the past 13 months I have been testing to see if I was pregnant. For the first few months I was always hopeful that it would be positive…then I got to where I just needed to make sure it wasn’t positive because I was drinking an average of two Monsters a day and that can’t be good for a little guy. This particular day I had gone to the bathroom, peed on the stick and set it aside so I could put Johnny on the potty. While I was mid marshmallow bribe I glanced over at the test and read ‘pregnant’.
“Say WHAT?” I threw my half empty monster in the trash that second.
I honestly thought there was a mistake. I have been seeing ‘not pregnant’ for so long it truly didn’t seem real. So I told Big Red I needed to run to the store to get some muglarg….I made up a word as I was running out the door. I needed a few more tests to be totally certain. Also I needed a few different brands, for multiple source confirmation. I bluetoothed Lil Sista as I was squealing out of the neighborhood and telling that kid with the skateboard to get on the sidewalk (he’s gonna get hit one of these days dude). She screamed with excitement and kept telling me that false positives were rare (I was still doubting). We talked as I sped through the store (where I realized I was in house shoes and forgot to put on a bra) and I grabbed 5 more pregnancy tests. Home again Home again…yell at the kid, park sideways, forget to close door to car.
Pregnant. Pregnant! PREGNANT!!! Yesssss!!!
“You pee in da potty momma? Thass wonderful!” John was excited that I was peeing in the potty so much.
Lil Sista was also very excited as I had refused to hang up the phone.
“How excited is Red going to be?!? I have to find a super cute way to tell him…something really cool and special.” I was probing Lil Sista for ideas as I wiped pee of the sticks so I could take pictures of them.
“A big brother shirt for Johnny? A big box with balloons and the positive test that will float up when he opens them? Have John say ‘we’re having a baby’?” She’s so good at this stuff.
“Uh huh, I hear ya. Those sound great. I have to get on this…call ya later.”
Red then stormed through through the door totally pissed (he was coming from our accountants office and that’s never a happy visit).
“Dude what’s up? What’s wrong?”
“I don’t want to tell you how much we have to pay in taxes this year dude. I am going to go puke. Then I’m going to shoot some mylanta and we can talk after that.” He grumbles like a Billy Goat.
“Sounds like you need some good news….”
“We’re pregnant :0) ” I did smile just like that emoticon…round nose and everything.
He was of course exstatic even though I didn’t do anything cute or fun…I just blurted it out. Lets be honest I can’t keep a secret for 5 seconds anyway so what were the chances that I actually followed through on any of those cute ideas anyway? Slim. I blurted out that I was pregnant with John too…so I guess that’s my thing.
We’ve been to see girlfriend to hear the heartbeat (a beautiful 160 beats per minute) and the baby is the most adorable fuzzy splotch!! Everything is healthy and happy so far! We are Due November 14.
Johnny was due November 10th (yes, the conception date is basically the same for both our kids..I knew you were doing the math you pervs) and he was born in a blaze of glory on Oct 25th at 9lbs 6oz, so I’m not expecting to go full term with this one either. If I do go full term Girlfriend is a sadist and I’ll be in recovery for a month.
I am so happy. I am a fluffy, happy pregnant lady who misses wine a lot and who has had a two week long headache from caffeine withdrawal. I’m already showing a bit…don’t know how I feel about that. BUT I am excited to start blogging about crazy preggo stuff again!! YAY!!!!
A special thank you to everyone who has been so supportive and uplifting to me over the last year. I can’t tell you what it meant to me to hear you all encourage me to stay faithful…you were right :0)